Category Archives: rants

a bit of snark

We haven’t done any good snarking in a while, but I couldn’t resist. I normally love me some Gorjana – can’t get enough, in fact -  but I just have no idea what’s happening here.

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Even I, with all of my crafty dysfunction, could make this in about 15 seconds, by taking the zipper pull off any handbag or wallet I already own and tying it to a chain. Presto, I’m chic! Alternatively, of course, I could pay EIGHTY FOUR DOLLARS for this version.

Tough call.

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red carpet recap: the oscars!

that was some serious oscar fashion last night. i remember being so bummed about last year’s red carpet – everyone was being so restrained and overly conscious of not being excessive (stupid recession, ruining our fashion fun!). fortunately, it was all out the window this year. this year’s dresses were unbelievably over-the-top, not to mention oversized – there were impossibly huge ball skirts absolutely everywhere you turned! i fully expected an on-stage wardrobe malfunction, but i was sadly disappointed.

naturally, the awards are totally secondary to the commentary going on in my house about the fashion. i’m usually commenting so loudly about the presenters that i barely even hear the names of the nominees. and so, without further adieu, my list of the good, the bad, and the positively heinous.

first, the good (all photos, by the way, are from yahoo!’s completely excellent oscar photo coverage – definitely the place you want to stop to see the full looks!):

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i thought penelope cruz was stunning in her pleated ruby ballgown from donna karan- a dress simply couldn’t be more flattering or elegant. and i adored the dreamy abstract print on rachel mcadams‘ almost-ethereal elie saab gown.

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cameron diaz looked better than i think i’ve ever seen her (oscar de la renta can have that effect) – that silver gown is simply perfect. and even if maggie gyllenhaal could have picked something a bit more flattering to her beautiful figure, her dries van noten dress was gorgeous. i might have sacrificed some tummy camouflage for the chance to wear that beauty too.

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kate winslet just owns a permanent spot on this list – i love every single thing that woman puts on, and last night’s sleek silver sheath by yves saint laurent was no exception. but the one who’s most likely to be overlooked is queen latifah, who i thought looked unbelievably gorgeous, and showed off her figure so perfectly. and last, but not least, honorary props to tom ford, because he’s just always beyond impeccable. we should all dress our men so well.

next up, a little ranting about some of the unfortunate “bad” that showed up on the red carpet:

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for all that sarah jessica parker loves fashion, it makes me crazy that she continues to show up on the red carpet with these bizarre choices. this year’s choice from chanel isn’t the worst, but it just doesn’t do it for me. if i’m being honest, she might have escaped my “bad” list (i’d have just chalked it up to her generally unwise fashion sense), but for that awful tan and the fact that she was chewing gum when the cameras panned to her in the audience. really? gum? at the oscars? i have no words.

people seem sort of split about vera farmiga‘s gown, and i understand the dilemma. it is interesting to look at. sadly, however interesting, it’s hideously unflattering – the woman has a rockin’ body, and this just made her look twice her normal size.

charlize theron, i generally adore you, so i hate to say anything too harsh, but…boob rosettes? it’s hard to look any less than fabulous when you look like her, and yet she managed it. better luck next year, ladies.

and now, last – but most certainly, not least – my award for the truly, heinously ugly (drum roll, please…):

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there’s one every year: that dress that just makes you wonder what someone was thinking when they spotted it and said “oh yes! that’s the dress! i definitely want to have my photo taken, viewed by millions and judged by critics for years while i’m wearing that.” zoe saldana (from avatar) really knocked it out of the ugly park with this tiered, ruffled, multitoned, glittery….whatever it is (by givenchy). when she showed up on the red carpet, i believe my comment was something along the lines of her needing to have someone remove the muppet clinging to her knees. part can-can, part showgirl, and one hundred percent deserving of the worst dressed award.

so, how’d i do? did we agree on the red carpet recap? what were your favorite hits and misses last night?

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random rant: garance doré falls into the gap…without me!

i’ve been a fan of fashion blogger garance doré for so long, i can hardly remember not thinking she was the coolest person ever.  perhaps even more than her gorgeous photography and hysterical fashion insights (both of which stop me in my tracks), i love love love her sketches.  i actually emailed her once upon a time, asking if she’d ever start selling them – but the answer was no (sadly, i only heard back from her assistant…how cool would it have been to hear from garance herself?!).

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now, be still my heart, she’s released two tees bearing her lovely sketches for the gap’s 40th anniversary extravaganza.  perfect, right?  but no…still, they elude me!  problem one: they’re only being released in london.  problem two:  there are only 69 of each tee available for sale.  it’s like the universe is conspiring to keep garance and me apart!

and so, i’m just going to say it.  dear gap:  surely you can do better!  what about us poor saps in the states who, i don’t know, have been loyal, devoted gap fans (mostly) for the last 40 years.  how about some love for us?

think my plea will work?  sigh. me neither. but if you do happen to be in london for this amazing event, check it out on my behalf, won’t you?

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what the fug: rick owens tank

um.  am i the only one who thinks this looks a lot like one of those victoria’s secret bodysuits from the 1990s, left unsnapped and flapping in the wind?

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i’m just not sure the look i’m going for is ever “gee, is that her spanx showing?” or “what the hell is going on with the hem of that shirt?”.  am i missing something?  is this bikini-line-shaped hem some au courant trend i’ve missed?  if, in fact, i am dead wrong, feel free to pick one up for yourself (in a range of colors, naturally).  it’s been marked down from $245 to $95 in the otherwise extremely impressive kirna zabete sale going on this week (strange tank tops notwithstanding).

what do you think…has rick owens lost his mind or have i?

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random rant: stella mccartney for net-a-porter

picture 13 random rant: stella mccartney for net a porter

important disclaimer:  i happen to adore this t-shirt.  i’ve been obsessed with cloud prints, patterns, paintings…anything cloud-ish for as long as i can remember, and i did a little “ooh, pretty!” gasp when i saw this.  

but it’s $495.

really, stella? are we doing $500 tees now?  i guess the real question is whether we were ever doing $500 tees, but especially now, when people are being even more frugal and cautious…is anyone out there buying a $500 t-shirt?  i mean, i’m sure it’s a completely wonderful t-shirt.  i’m sure the cut is phenomenal, the cotton is organic, and the dye is made from some sort of extremely rare vegetable that stella is personally growing in her backyard, and can only be harvested using the feathers of a dodo bird or something.  so maybe, assuming that’s the case, it’s “worth” $500.  but does that mean you’d buy it?

for those of us living in the real world, i did find a few alternatives.  bop basics makes a really gorgeous burnout tee that looks amazing up close, and comes in a very appropriate sky blue color.  for the graphic element, check out this considerably more mod cloud print tee at threads for thought.  and, of course, there’s always that sweet air tee by terra which, i have to admit, i think looks more like a $500 tee than stella’s version.

my question to you is this:  is there any scenario in which you’d consider buying a $500 t-shirt?

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what the fug? new alexander wang at ron herman

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i’m not quite sure what to say about what’s happening here.  normally, i love just about everything at ron herman.  and, normally, even if i don’t love everything at alexander wang, i can at least see the style and genius in it.  but clearly, something has gone very, very wrong in both houses, and well, i’m a little bit afraid.

that jacket up there?  the blue isn’t denim, though i thought so at first.  it’s suede – but honestly, i’m not sure whether that’s better or worse than denim would have been.  with leather arms.  so, the net effect is some weird denim/leather jacket hybrid thing.  it reminds me of someone’s redesigned vintage store buy, gone very, very badly.

and really, are we doing bras as tops now?  is this some bad seinfeld reference gone awry?  i mean, i will say that the product description calls it “perfect for layering under loose-cut or sheer tops,” so perhaps they’re not fully embracing the bra-as-top concept.  but i’m still pretty scared of the whole thing.

this last one isn’t quite as bad, but it does look an awful lot like another of those redesigned vintage attempts.  i’m pretty sure i owned this blazer in 1987, and donated it to goodwill…where it was apparently adopted by alexander wang, who cut off the arms, and is now calling it a vest.  i’m skeptical.

fortunately, it’s not all fug and fear at ron herman this week.  they do have this lovely new leather ruffle blazer from burning torch.  i think it’s crazy cute, actually, and would adopt it in a heartbeat, if someone needs me to give it a loving home on their behalf.  and these fun plaid scarves from american colors are just the thing to prep up your closet this spring.  see that?  who says i can’t see the glass half full?

are you feeling the fug this week too, or is it just me?


 what the fug?  new alexander wang at ron herman

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fugtastic: pierre hardy neoprene tote

PHYPS0910587PNK 01 fugtastic:  pierre hardy neoprene tote

ahem.  readers, i think you all know that i love pink as much as…well, probably even a bit more than the next girl.  and were this bag hot pink leather…well, it wouldn’t be my style, but i might at least understand it.  but this bag, by pierre hardy, is neoprene.  as in, the stuff they make wetsuits from.  i know there’s a trend heading toward lightweight bags, as we all spent 2007 and 2008 causing all sorts of chiropractic dramas with our 40-lb marc jacobs bags.  i can handle nylon or canvas, as long as it’s priced appropriately.  and i might not even be averse if it were black neoprene, and executed more subtly.  but i’m having a pretty serious aversion to the hot pink rendition.

oh yeah, and did i mention it’s $1,500???  seriously.  for a bag made out of a wetsuit.  honestly, tell me…are you actually buying $1,500 hot pink neoprene handbags during a recession?

sigh.  please, in the name of fashion, take this opportunity to reject the fug by going out and treating yourself to a really lovely handbag on sale (also some lovely options here).  you could do so much better.


 fugtastic:  pierre hardy neoprene tote

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fashion resolutions for 2009

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(photos lovingly shared from shopbop, ron herman and the sartorialist)

so, i’m not normally much for new year’s resolutions – they feel a bit like exercises in frustration to me.  but fashion resolutions, those i can handle!  

last year, i resolved to be better about creative accessorizing – sure, i had the bags and shoes, but i was still pairing them with the same old ensembles, and it was getting a little tired.  and, well, the year of scarves and jewelry was born (as i’m sure you all have noticed).  i accessorized my little heart out last year, and it’s taught me a lot about how to make my wardrobe do double (or even triple) duty.

i’ve been thinking a lot about this year’s resolution, and i think i’ve found it.  in 2009, i really want to work on more creative mix-and-matching in my closet.  sure, i show you all gorgeous things day in and day out…and buy more of them than i should.  but the sad truth is that my daily wardrobe consists almost entirely of cardigans, layering tees and denim – very j.crew circa 2005.  and i’m bored out of my tree.  time to learn about creative pattern combinations, bold color-blending, and perhaps wearing something on bottom other than denim.  daring, i know.

so, i’m planning to start small.  i’ve just picked up a bunch of patterned tees from the thakoon for target collection – i think layering those under the existing cardigan-and-denim combo has potential.  i may even tack on a scarf for good measure!  by the end of the year, i’m hoping i’ll be so polished at these bold wardrobe combinations that i’ll look like any one of the fabulous combos above.

for those of you, like me, that are too scared of serious new year’s resolutions, i can’t recommend a fashion resolution highly enough.  what will yours be?  a much-deserved splurge on a gorgeous designer bag, or a really fantastic pair of shoes?  (a major jewelry splurge of some sort is also on my 2009 list…shh!)  or maybe you work in a suit all week, and want to find a way to up your fashion quotient at the office without getting fired.  perhaps you’re sick to death of your weekend basics, and want to up the ante with some fantastic designer denim?

whatever your resolution, i’m here to help.  post your 2009 fashion goals here – i’d love to see what everyone has in mind.  and who knows, i just might be able to lend a hand!


 fashion resolutions for 2009

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